Nothing Wavering

Dear God,

I've been fighting real hard this month to free myself from the bonds of addiction. Just when I begin to feel like I am a free man I feel the tug of a tightening chain, which causes me to waiver and then remember that although I am moving away from the ball, I am still a slave to a master that knows me too well. 

I have listened to the sound of pornography, covered the screen with my hand to censor the pornography, searched for images that sometimes bring up pornography, watched films that I didn't know would expose me to pornography. My one vice. 

Heavenly Father, how do I eradicate every form of sexuality from my existence? How do I deny my natural man that longs for intimacy with another human being? No sex? Check. No relationships?  Check. No kissing? Check. No cuddling? Check. No hand-holding? Check. No one to love? Check. I have denied myself of all these things in order to keep the commandments, yet I fail by looking at pornography because my natural man is desperate for release and connection but there is no appropriate venue through which I can channel my sexual energy. 

I often feel my life would be better had my body never gone through puberty. I would be free. No ball and chains. No denying or suppressing myself. No longing for intimacy. I could live in the innocence of childhood dreams and unbridled imagination. I could see what I once saw and feel what I once felt, basking in the richness of the only life I would know. 

I guess all I can ask You for is mercy so please, Father, have mercy on me on the day of judgement. I plead for Christ and His redeeming atonement to carry me through life. I ask in faith, nothing wavering. 

Sincerely, 

Job

Redemption Road

Dear God,

Sorry I haven't written home in a while. I wandered into a dark place. I felt like I had started to let go and wonder off the path. Instead of letting you lead my life, I clung to my addiction to pornography. I turned to it in time of need looking for fulfillment, gratification, relief. Oh how I was wrong.
Growing up my mom once had a poem hanging from the kitchen fridge. I can't remember the words but it was about a man who walked down the same road, always falling into the same hole, and having to climb out again. I thought it was silly and a little stupid. Why would this guy keep falling into the same hole? Was he blind? Was he stupid? Turns out, that poem was really about me. Over the years I have walked down the same road of sin, falling into the same trap of pornography. I've repeated this pattern over and over again.
Father, I want to thank you for the wonderful bishop I have. Being in a new ward is socially challenging and it has been nice to have a bishop I can open up to. I don't think I've ever been so upfront and open with any bishop before. This blessing has helped enable me to climb back out of that hole again, only this time, I hope I have the strength and wisdom to walk down a different road. The correct road. The road to redemption.
Father, as I begin this journey again, will you help me to recognize and accept your divine help? Will you walk beside me, and carry me when I am to weak to walk?
Father, I love Thee and Thy Son Jesus Christ. Help me to again walk in Thy ways.

Sincerely,

Job

Picture I took recently of a historic church in Allyn, WA