I just found out that I am not as strong as I thought I was. In fact, I am not strong at all. When temptation offers me an invitation I take it. No questions asked. No thought given to the detriment it would be to my spirit. No thought as to where it would take me or leave me. Nope. Once I have that invitation in my hand it's like nothing else matters. Conveniently I forget all that I believe in and am working towards. Sad thing is, I've seen that same invitation before. I didn't have to handle it, or read it. I knew what it looked like. I knew what it said. But still. I repeat like a broken tape. And I think nothing of it. I suppose it might as well be a drug. It gives me a high. I feel myself again for a while. I am happy. Motivated. Excited about life. Released from the self imposed pressure of always trying to do good or to be good so that I don't loose Your favor or so that heaven won't refuse to smile down on me. But I know this cannot last.
I need the Healer's clay placed upon my eyes so that I may see Your light. I need to feel your hands upon my ears so that I may hear Your voice. I need your saving grace.
Sincerely,
Job
