My heart aches.
I am all alone.
When I think of things I want to do, I don't end up doing them...because I don't want to do them alone. Instead, I remain a prisoner of my own place, bound by white walls and window blinds that act as prison bars between me and the outside world. It feels strange to go shopping alone, or biking alone, or hiking along, or anything alone. It wasn't always this way.
Father, what is it that I do that keeps me in this continual predicament no matter where I move? Why does my life continually take me down dark and lonely paths? Why is it hard for me to make friends? And why do those I love always go away in the end?
Father in Heaven, have mercy on me. Each day I do the best I know how to walk in Your ways and keep Your commandments. To this end I have sacrificed much, and yet it seems that loneliness is always my reward.
I know that when that times get tough I sometimes turn to vice in search of solace. I somehow think that pornography will fill that void of intimacy in my life but it never does. After the initial thrill it becomes boring, dull, and lifeless. It's never worth it and yet, in the past, I always returned to it, but not tonight. Not tonight.
Father, I am just a child. I am Your son. I was created in Your image and I know I was created for greater things than this. Please help me fill the lonely void with faith, hope, and charity. Help me to make friends--good friends that will love me and see me for who I really am. Friends that I can enjoy the journey with on our way back to heaven. And help me, that in so doing, I might live.
Sincerely,
Job
