Without Anchor

Dear God,

I know You've always been there for me but as of late (the past few years) I haven't been able to shake the great disconnect I feel between me and heaven.

I have said my prayers in greater earnest, pleading for Your divine help, yet my life feels without anchor and I am tossed about by winds from every direction.

I have read the scriptures and the writings of the prophets with more diligence and yet I am unsure about how to move forward.

I have engaged myself in religious activity, committing myself to do my best, yet I feel disconnected from fellow believers.

I read my patriarchal blessing, yet the obstacles I face in life make it difficult to see Your divine promises ever coming to pass in my life.

I spend greater time with family, yet I feel so estranged from every one of them.

I feel aloof to existence.

Mine eyes are wet with tears.

I never envisioned my life becoming what it has.

I don't know where to begin. I don't know where to go. I don't know how to get help.

Please, if You get this letter, "help Thou my unbelief". Help me feel connected to life again.

Love,

Job

Nothing Wavering

Dear God,

I've been fighting real hard this month to free myself from the bonds of addiction. Just when I begin to feel like I am a free man I feel the tug of a tightening chain, which causes me to waiver and then remember that although I am moving away from the ball, I am still a slave to a master that knows me too well. 

I have listened to the sound of pornography, covered the screen with my hand to censor the pornography, searched for images that sometimes bring up pornography, watched films that I didn't know would expose me to pornography. My one vice. 

Heavenly Father, how do I eradicate every form of sexuality from my existence? How do I deny my natural man that longs for intimacy with another human being? No sex? Check. No relationships?  Check. No kissing? Check. No cuddling? Check. No hand-holding? Check. No one to love? Check. I have denied myself of all these things in order to keep the commandments, yet I fail by looking at pornography because my natural man is desperate for release and connection but there is no appropriate venue through which I can channel my sexual energy. 

I often feel my life would be better had my body never gone through puberty. I would be free. No ball and chains. No denying or suppressing myself. No longing for intimacy. I could live in the innocence of childhood dreams and unbridled imagination. I could see what I once saw and feel what I once felt, basking in the richness of the only life I would know. 

I guess all I can ask You for is mercy so please, Father, have mercy on me on the day of judgement. I plead for Christ and His redeeming atonement to carry me through life. I ask in faith, nothing wavering. 

Sincerely, 

Job